When it comes to attraction, men and women behave differently. This may not be a very profound statement, but my talk with my friend and clinical psychologist, Dr. Andrea Hendricks, did lead to a few astute findings.
Dr. Hendricks and I shared a table at First Thursday at the Pepper Place market recently to delve into what makes men and women appealing to each other. After all, both sexes go to extreme measures to turn heads.
So what is it that makes heads turn in your direction?
According to Dr. Hendricks, it is a complicated topic with some quantifiable aspects and some that follow no logic what so ever!
“It goes back to Evolutionary Psychology, when man looked for someone good enough to carry his babies. Women on the other hand looked for a man that can provide for and protect them.” Said Dr. Hendricks.
Things are not that different today. Men will look for connections of the mind and heart, but looks take the number one spot. After the initial attraction is established, men will decipher things like how much fun they will have with this partner; and if she is smart, emotionally stable, elegant, soulful, and compassionate.
For women, things are a bit more involved.
“Things like familiarity and proximity play a huge role. If a woman has seen a man a few times, she is more likely to respond, as well as if he is in her geographic area. But what women look for the most is stability. Someone who will be dependable financially and is able to provide a good living for their family.” Said D. Hendricks.
You can also be attracted to someone without knowing why.
“Occasionally, a person will find someone else irresistible – someone who goes against all the logical reasons for attraction and companionship, and we may never know why we are drawn to them.”
This might explain that crush you had while back, but you shouldn’t have. We have all been there!
The subconscious is also responsible for confirming our “criteria”. It plays a big role in keeping us within our parameters, without us intending to be there.
What is the secret?
There is really no rhyme or reason for knowing what can make you attractive. Things like looking good, smelling good, stability, being in shape, being funny, being confidant, and physical qualities like symmetrical face and eye contact will help. But the post hoc reason for this attraction fallacy is this:
Sometime you can do everything, and not get anything. And other times you can do nothing, and get everything!
Love is a crazy thing. Proceed with caution.